Confession, chapter 1
Enter the Facebook confession booth: How long has it been since your last public confession... What seems to be troubling you? ...
Well, I feel insecure and eat when I'm feeling something like an empty feeling inside my physical and emotional body and often keep eating even though my body says it's had enough. I'm such an anxious person, it speeds up my metabolism to the point in which it is probably preventing me from becoming about 50kg over weight.
While I judge and maybe pity other people for looking unhealthy, I'm actually resenting and fearing my own self sabotaging patterns of behaviour. Such as avoiding sleep when I'm tired. Or avoiding slowing down to look deeper, to enter my inner world. Instead I look further a field, for a new diversion, a new creation, new knowledge or exciting worldly experiences out there, searching and acquiring my outer world.
My eating pattern is just one reflection which is beginning to remind me of my other insecurity issues, such as sex. I'm actually starving for a better relationship with myself, but often look elsewhere.
I easily argue with teachers and distrust confident leadership and role models, while I secretly wish I could become a worthy role model and even if for only my own self fulfillment. Sure I rationalize this wish, as being able to serve others from a wise, experienced and confident place in my spiritual, personal and social embodiment.
Ok, I confess, I feel I've indulged your attention long enough.
Posted on Facebook notes:
Saturday, October 24, 2009 at 11:46pm
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